The curse of the 20 somethin’-year-olds has been around for centuries: craving the single life but also yearning for someone to share your happiness with. As time passes, the life of a 20 somethin’-year-old has shifted from the original gender roles, such as being a wife and caretaker or the male breadwinner, to that of empowered employees in the workforce looking for stability and success.
Whether you’ve attended college or ended your student career earlier, being in your 20s is not easy. It’s the time where you start truly defining who you are, what you believe in, and where you want to end up. Naturally, you want some sort of security along the way, like a steady relationship. It’s nice to have someone who helps you grow as he/she grows with you. But it’s tricky to date in your 20s because it’s hard to attract the type of person you want when you’re trying to figure out who you want to become.
I always hear my friends talk about how much they want to be in a relationship. Sometimes, the desire for an S.O. is so strong that they are willing to settle with someone they know is not their end game just so they don’t have to feel alone in the moment. Now maybe it’s because I’m jaded from dating and the college hookup culture or maybe it’s because I’m slightly narcissistic and obsessed with success that I find this type of dating foolish and a waste of time. Don’t get me wrong; I’m a huge hopeless romantic inside and sappy cry at the dumbest things when it comes to romance. But I think that pining around for a boyfriend or girlfriend when you need to work on yourself is a waste of everybody’s time.
I always say “like attracts like.” You attract the energy you give off as well as the people who want that type of energy. So pardon my frankness, but if the energy you give off reeks of frantic instability, desperation, and loneliness, someone who is a terrible match or a horrible person may step into your life and take advantage of the state of your current heart and head. When it falls apart, that person is usually leaves you wrecked and broken and more lost than before. What’s worse is you may also stray off on the completely wrong path with someone and think you’re “in love” and found “the one” when in reality you could be stuck in something toxic and mutually-destructive.
So let’s say you’re looking for someone who is stable, loves adventure, is always calm and loving, and can love/support your craziest ideas and tangents. That’s awesome! But this also means you need to show that you are someone who is compatible with that type of character. It means you need to work on yourself and get to know yourself better so you can address your needs, your dreams, your flaws before reaching out and adding someone else to the equation. If you work on yourself so that you are equally stable, grounded, the perfect dose of creative crazy, AND have a strong confidence instilled in you, you will attract someone, the RIGHT ONE.
You may agree with me, you may disagree with me. Regardless, I urge you to always put yourself first. Figure out who you are and the rest will always come to you. The only way to find that one and have a happily ever after is to know yourself and what you need, not just what you want. Everyone wants to be loved, so the first step is to love yourself wholly so you can teach others how they should love you.
Bisou, bisou, mes chéries…