Amour

A Ghost to Remember

Ghosting has become such a common game that someone should make it an Olympic sport. But seriously. Anyone can ghost. While guys often ghost more than girls do, it’s definitely not exclusive to a certain gender. It’s is an easy way out for those who decide they’re not that interested in pursuing someone they’ve been talking to or even dating. They hook you. They show interest in you. They tell you all these things. They’re intoxicating.

Then, poof! No responses. No traces. No appearances. Gone.

Your ghosters think that by shutting down communication, you will “get the hint.” They think that it’s easier to just let things fade. What they don’t understand is that the lack of communication actually doesn’t give any hints to you. Instead, it creates anxiety, frustration, low self-esteem, and even more questions.Worst of all, it ruins your ability to build any future relationships. Every time you become friends with someone, you freak out of you don’t get a response immediately and think that they dislike you. Every time the friendship or relationship is going well, you will 1000% anticipate something negative in the near future (which often ends up actually causing something negative to occur). And every time you should pursue something, anything, you will think that you’re not worthy of even trying. You find yourself spending so much time wondering what could go wrong, what you do wrong, and if everyone is lying to you 24/7. You get panic attacks from the slightest triggers. You sob uncontrollably over small incidents. You shut yourself completely and lose potential friends and S.O.’s. You live in a constant state of paranoia. 

It’s exhausting.

I’ve been ghosted a decent number of times. ¯\_()_/¯ But each time it’s happened, it’s taught me so much about myself and about the type of people I want to surround myself with. Something you all need to ingrain in your minds is that it’s not you. At all. Your ghosters are weak. They can’t face challenges. Nor are they respectful enough to communicate honestly to someone. Now it might take a long time and a lot of patience from your next S.O. to fully help you regain trust, faith, and confidence. However, overcoming it on your own in the meantime is one of the most empowering feelings in the world. While you can’t always rid the anxiety and fear of someone ignoring you forever, you can absolutely regain your confidence on your own by building yourself up and focusing on what is best for you. That includes just letting your ghosters go because people will never change.

But one last thing, mes chéries: Don’t hate your ghosters. I know you want to. Trust me. I know you want to. Sometimes, I pray that my ghosters will feel the same pain one day or become Satan’s roast pork dinner, whichever is less pleasant. But honestly, wasting your energy on something that you can’t change is taking away from focusing on what you can change: how you handle the aftermath. Nobody is worth that much anxiety. Nobody is worth that much pain. Nobody is worth that much love. These ghosters kinda suck as people right now, but you can alter your perspective by seeing that they help you learn how to be a better you. And when you’re shining so hard and glitter AF, they’ll come running back. Trust me. Forgive them if they do, but never forget.

To my beautiful ghosted friends and my old ghosted self, ne t’en fais pas, mes chéries. It only goes up from here!

 

-E.

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